I Will Never Leave You

Penn Highschool is truly an experience. For real. You walk down the halls with 3,000 other people every day and most of them you don't see at all. There are a few things that are consistant however: cussing everywhere you go, and couples making out everywhere you look. I've never wanted to be associated with either of those things however when you here such crude language everywhere you go everyday, it's hard to block it all out. I have to constantly remind myself of Philipians 4:8 "Whatever is true whatever is noble Whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praise-worthy, think about such things"



And then there's the couples. If they're not making out, they're holding hands, hugging...etc. My point is there's couples everywhere. It's almost depressing walking down the halls alone. And i'm not even interested in a relationship. I find myself getting lonely for no reason. But then i remember God says "i will never leave you nor forsake you" and i take that to heart. I'm a visual person and lately when i get lonely i'll imagine God walking beside me, holding my hand, joking around, comforting me. And it works. I thank God so often that it's true, that i won't ever be alone because he is always with me. It's a miracle. I've done nothing to deserve his love, nothing to deserve the amazing sacrifice that he's paid! I'm in awe that God, who created the universe, would care even the slightest for me and yet he DIED so that i can live! How amazing is our God! And when i think about that i realize how blessed i truly am. I don't understand the things i've dealt with or that i'm dealing with now. But i know in my heart that He loves me and is with me every step of the way!!! and with that knowledge i am a rich person indeed :) Thank you father for giving me a reason to live!


"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet was without sin" ~Hebrews 4:15

Jesus Paid it All

"it's all because of Jesus I'm alive, It's all Because the blood of Jesus Christ"
"Jesus paid it all, All to Him I owe, Sin had left a crimson stain He washed it white as snow"

At GSM (Granger Student Ministries) last Sunday we sang both of these songs and it hit me again how true it is. We sing things like this all the time at church and even hear them on Christian radio stations and we know it's true. So how come it's so hard for us to give it back to Him? I mean think about it: Jesus DIED so that we could live. He DIED. For Me. For You. So that we could have life. So is it too much to ask that we live this life, that He gave us, in a way that is pleasing to Him? This shouldn't be something we do because we feel guilty, we should work harder to make time for him, and think harder to make sure we're honoring him because we want to. Because He loves us and we love him. If you have a best friend that you love with you're whole heart, you're not just going to listen to them or talk to them because you feel guilty. You're gonna make time no matter how busy you are because you enjoy spending time with them. That's how it should be with God. But to an even greater extent because He died for us.

So often I ask myself how can I live for God at school? How am I acting any different than anyone else? But then I realize just because I'm not going around witnessing to people, doesn't mean I'm not living for God. Sometimes all it takes is not cussing when everyone else is, standing up for the kids getting made fun of, or even just a smile in passing. People notice the little things, maybe not immediately but eventually they will see there's something different about us, and maybe they'll even be curious as to what that might be. Why don't we, not only focus on the BIG stuff but also the little things that people don't often think about, and when people notice tell them why we're doing it? And put you're whole heart into what you do because you're not doing it for yourself or other people. You're doing it for God. Because He loves us, created us, and died for us.

Therefore my brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the LOrd, because you knoe that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.~ 2 Corinthians 15:58

I have been crucified with Christ and i no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life i live in the body i live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave himself for me~Galatians 2:20

Less like me, More like God

So often we look around us at other people and judge a person on the way they look. This is coming from a teenager so i'm gonna put it in a teenage scenario i'm sure you've all related to at some point in your life. You're at school or work or where ever there's people you see often and you see a good-looking guy/girl, you're obviously attracted to them and the more often you see them the more you like them. But you don't really know them and your friends tell you they're not very nice. Then finally you get to know them and you realize they really aren't nice and then you've got to work on getting over them.

That saying 'don't judge a book by its cover' is not only true for books but all aspects of life. A more accurate way of saying it would be 'don't judge.' But we all struggle with that whether we want to admit it or not. What if we took that and applied it to that scenario i gave? How would our lives change if, although we notice the looks, we didn't put everything on them, and instead we watched how a person acted, noticed how they interacted with others and got to know the person on the inside. It seems to me that that would save us from a lot of heart ache although i realize thats not the cause of it a lot of the time, but then again a lot of the time it is.

I was on a walk earlier, thinking some things over, and i saw a rock lying in the middle of the road and bent down to look at it. On the top it was perfectly smooth and kinda pretty, which is why it caught my eye, but the bottom was jagged and muddy. And it made me think of the way we see others. We see only the surface level, we draw attention to the beauty and sometimes order our lives in a way that best enhances it. But if we would look underneath, at a deeper level we'd see that there's mud and rough edges. We'd see that our ideal person/fantasy is just that, a fantasy, a mask, a lie.

A lot of the time it's difficult not to make assumptions about someone from the way they look, but I pray for the day when we see someone with a pure and innocent heart and a passion for God and think "they're beautiful!" even if they may not be the most attractive person in the world. I challenge you all to look at those around you at a less wordly, and more Godly level.

"The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance but the LORD looks and the heart." 1Samuel 16:7

Lets try a little harder to look at the heart. Pray about it. Catch yourself in the action and change your way of thinking. And little by little we will start to look more like Christ and less like the ppl of this world

Hold My Heart

"I'm on my knees
begging you to notice me
I'm on my knees
father will you turn to me

one tear in a drop of rain
one voice in a sea of pain
can the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking heart
one life is all i am
right now i can barely stand
if you're everything you say you are
will you come close and hold my heart"
~ Hold my heart by Tenth Avenue North (if you haven't heard it you should go listen to it before you finish reading this)

I don't usually write about a song I've heard, but I was in my room cleaning up and listening to my radio when this song came on. At the very begining of the song I'd paused what I was doing and listened to the lyrics which is what I usually do when I hear a song I haven't heard before or don't know very well. A few lines into the song I went and sat down on my bed next to my radio and just listened to the plea coming from the song. I think last year I probably wouldn't have been touched by the song nearly as much, but now after the stuff I went through last year I almost started crying. How often do we go through such great amounts of pain and blame God instead of crying out for help? How often do I feel that God has better things to do than sit and listen to me cry out to him? I think at some point during our lives and often more than once, we all feel small and insignificant! The idea that God listens to our cries for help is mind-boggling! Let alone the fact that He died on the cross to save each and every one of us! i'm honestly blown out of my mind to think that a God SO HUGE would ever care enough about me personally to want to pull me in when i'm hurting and comfort me. And I think that's what makes this song so easily relatable. It's that cry for help, for comfort, even for the feeling of nearness to know we're not alone. Begging God not to forget us. This song is SOOOOO full of emotion my heart instantly hurt in remembrance of when i was crying out the same thing and i still do sometimes. It's also a comfort to know that other people go through the same thing, that it's not just our problem.

There're two lines that really stick out to me. the first is "Can the maker of the stars hear the sound of my breaking heart" That's such a moving line because I think deep inside we all know He can. And that is what keeps me going a lot of the time. The knowledge that God hears our pain is so comforting, but more than that is that He cares. He knows what we're going through and He's there through it all. It's such a comfort to me knowing that He's here for me, for all of us and when there's nothing left we can do, He gives us strength to keep going. The second line that stood out to me was "if you're everything you say you are would you come close and hold my heart" that's sucha great question. i've never thought to ask God to hold my heart. But what a great thing to ask knowing that He will keep it safe, make it new, and nurture it back to it's innocent state of...wholeness.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I think that all too often we block out God when we're hurting. We blame Him, get angry, and think that if He really cared, we wouldn't be going through whatever it is we're going through. But what we should really be doing is, like in the song, crying out to God, begging Him to comfort us, basking in the knowledge that He is hearing our cries. He knows what we're going through and he's hurting for us, too. But if/when we finally stop fighting Him for control, that is when the healing can happen. That's when we can finally realize that we have an all-powerful God who wants nothing more than the best for us. And although sometimes it doesn't seem like it, everything happens for a reason. We'll get through it if we lean on Him. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. But that's THROUGH CHRIST. So often we want to do things our way. We get stubborn and refuse to back down, but God's way is the best way, no matter what we may think about it. And the best thing we can do is give up control and let Christ do what He does bese

Chicago '09

So some of you know that i just got back from a mission trip in Chicago. For those of you who didn't....now you do :) i just thought i'd share my thoughts and expereinces on the trip. I'm not gonna give details on each day, if you want to know the details go to chicag09.blogspot.com.
It was day 1 and i'd already started to realize things that i hadn't known before. 1) it's VERY hot in Chicago, it was like 90 some degrees that day. 2) I'm not comfortable talking about my relationship with Christ, probably because i feel like people expect me to say certain things that aren't really true and i don't want people to judge me based on what i say. And 3) is that life is comfortable inside the boat, but the only way to really serve God and make a difference is to step out of your comfort zone, out of the boat, and walk on the water. To do that you have to really trust God, don't let distractions make you doubt, or like peter you will fall in quickly. That was my goal last week, and for the rest of my life. I don't want to stay in comfort and let everyone else do the work, i wanna be out in the water getting my hands dirty, helping to save the ppl who are drowning and don't know it. I challenge everyone to make that a goal in their own life, it's definitely life changing, in a completely awesome way!

Day two. I realized again how much these kids need love and attention. I knew that they'd probably had rough lives and not enough love and attention to fill them up, like a child needs. So we did our best to show them God's love and we loved them and paid attention to them. That day was a tough one b/c we got hit over and over. But it was amazing to see how God provided EVERYTIME! i can not doubt that God was watching out for us during that trip. And i don't think i'll ever again be able to doubt that God is present and God is our provider. It was like a war going on around us, God and the Devil. and God won! Every time Satan struck us with something it was like God was saying "Not so fast buddy!" It was an awesome feeling, to know with such assurance that God is watching over us and will protect us from anything. But it was also really hard, at least for me, to be happy when i knew that so many other ppl were frustrated and upset. That's just the way I am. I like to be able to help ppl, and not beaing able to really gets to me. I think i've always had a problem with surrendering other ppl's problems over to God. i want so badly to be able to fix them and it's hard for me to trust someone else, even if it is God, to fix them. But i managed to keep a good additude with the help of God and the encouragement from the rest of the team. And we made it through the day happy, and confident in our God.

Day three. I had an inner struggle day three. I've been dealing with quite a bit of hurt lately. I've been feeling ignored and unimportant to people i look up to and admire, and a friend from school. You know that last year was not one of my best yrs, and it was made worse because God has been silent through it. Lately i've gotten to feeling like God is ignoring me too, or i'm not important enough for him to pay attention to. And i struggled with that quite a bit on Thursday. I know that that's not true, I know God loves me and there's nothing i can do to push him away, but sometimes it feels like i've taken a step too far and he's finally given up on me. I've also learned though that when i'm feeling down, it helps a TON to help someone else out. So Thursday was a good day to feel down, because we pulled up sod all day. so i focused my energy on doing that to the best of my ability, and encouraging everyone else to keep going until we got done. And it definitely succeeded, b/c by the end of the day i was feeling very good and important and proud of our team for accomplishing the task.

Day four. Friday was AMAZING! ''I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'' We served God most directly that day. We went downtown and we walked the streets feeding the homeless and praying for them. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life! I've always felt a calling to do something for the homeless, whether it be the kids in Africa or the ppl living on the streets in big cities, i don't know, but i got HUGE satisfaction in feeding those people. And even just sitting there listening to them was very touching. It's insane how many people live in Chicago and just walk by those people every single day without a second thought about it. One lady we stopped to talk to (we forgot to ask her name) just sat and talked to us for like 30 minutes, she didn't give us any room to put a word in because she never has anyone to talk to. She told us that she talks to the animals that come by because no one else will listen. With all those people in the city there ought to be someone who'll talk to these people. It's a depressing thing to think about, but it also makes me want to help 100% more! I really want to make a difference and i know that with God's help i can. Friday just made it that much more clear to me, that God is calling me to do something along those lines with my life.

Day five. Saturday was the day of the Angel's ( Good Seed's team that we spent the week with) baseball game on the field we cleared for them. We were the cheerleaders! It was fun to see how much they enjoyed hearing their names being shouted in the context that it was, and to see that they each had a sign with their name on it that they got to take home later. Later we went to Willow Creek for church and learned about Naaman and his leprocy in 2 Kings. Bill Hybels' four applications on the message were this.

• Do your absolute best at whatever you put your hand to do -how would ppl size you up in a single paragraph? Eccl. 9:10, 1 Cor. 10:31, Col. 3:23-24
• Do good where ever you are, no matter what has been done to you -Matt.5:43-44, Rom. 12:21, Gal. 6:9
• Go for help when you need it - "Sitting on your rear end is rarely transformative" ~Bill Hybels
• Do a simple thing if God asks you to -sometimes the only thing sitting between you and healing is a simple thing, you just have to humble yourself to do it

Day six. Sunday morning we went to Good Seed church service. We spent the afternoon hanging with the kids, and watching Pastor Bone at one of his b-ball games. That was the last oppurtunity we had with the kids so we were using it to best of our abilities. It was sad to part with them. They are great kids and we bonded with them. I'm definitely missing them a TON. I'd had a conversation with Sarah the night before, so while we were waiting for the service to start i started writing a song called Everpresent, it's not done yet but it's gonna be a good one. I'm writing it about how no matter how we feel or what it seems like God is always here and as much as it may seem differently it's that truth that will set us free.

Day seven. Monday was stretching, and i have a much better relationship with God because of it. We went on a prayer walk downtown, praying for the buildings, and the people who pass through them. And in between buildings we prayed for the ppl we passed on the streets. I was more aware of all the hurt and pain in ppl than i've been in my life. But it didn't depress me like it normally would b/c i knew God is in control and he's gonna do what he does best and rule the world. It was another amazing experience that i will never forget. And it made me realize yet again that i can't solve everyone's problems, but that's okay b/c God is working for the good of those who love him and he won't let anything happen that doesn't have a reason. I also knew in my heart not just my head that God hears every cry, every prayer i send up to him, no matter how distant he may feel or how silent he is at the time.

Chicago was amazing! i feel like a completely different person, in a good way. and i pray that God will be more eminent in my life and that ppl will see God in my life.

So Sick

There's a song i've been singing a lot lately called So Sick and i really like it cuz it's got a catchy tune and the lyrics kind of fit with what i'v been feeling lately. Anyways i just thought i'd take a moment and get out what I'M sick of.

• I'm sick of being ignored
• I'm sick of feeling like i don't exist
• I'm sick of being second to everyone
• I'm sick of wondering whether my friends are still gonna be here tomorrow
• I'm sick of being expected to be perfect
• I'm sick of any minor mistake i make being turned into some huge crime
• I'm sick of bad relationships
• I'm sick of drama
• I'm sick of thinking everythings normal and then have it turn bad again
• I'm sick of arguing with the people i love
• I'm sick of people thinking that i'm always depressed
• I'm sick of being depressed
• I'm sick of being lied to
• I'm sick of GUYS!
• I'm sick of being sick of life!

Sorry...that's a long list! :) why is it that i hand over my life to God and once he fixes it, i somehow take it back thinking i can run it better than he can? Because time and time again it's obvious that i can't! I long so much to do what's right and let God direct me wherever he wants me to go but i never manage to do anything right. I just wish that God would tell me what he wants me to do. Or maybe he is and i'm just not listening. All i know is that i don't know. And i just gotta keep pushing through and eventually I'll see the light at the end of this tunnel and God standing there with arms wide open for me to run to him and embrace him and drown in his love. For now, I'm living for that day :)

Memphis

Wow! I just got back from Memphis, where we went to a student life conference called Live Love. It was one of the greatest experiences of my entire life! The first night Francis Chan talked about our images of God. About how so many people say what they think God is, but it's just there opinion, Not truth! So he had us look in Revelations and explained what some of the confusing stuff meant. And he gave us this image in our heads of God in his throne in heaven surrounded by 4 magnificent beasts that would cause fear in the very core of our being and they're all giving glory to God! There's angels and other heavenly beings surrounding him as well also giving glory to God. Thunder and lightning are coming out from his throne...and he calls US his sons and daughters! What an amazing thing to KNOW! I have another picture of him that i got in my head the other day...it's one of a fatherly figure bending over me comforting me, loving me. The 2 pictures don't seem to fit together...But the amazing thing is THEY DO! It's the same person in both! It's such a weird thing for me to know that this God who is King of the world and has everything in his hands would step down off his throne...for ME! It doesn't seem like it makes any sense!! It's mind-boggling...but it's true! The worship there was absolutely amazing too! Kristian Stanfill was a GREAT worship leader! There was one song that was particularly touching and it's chorus was "There is none so high and holy, King of Kings the one and only! you are adored! you are the Lord of all!!!!!" and it's sooo true! But it's so hard for us to grasp is just how high and holy he is! Crazy to think about! I'm just so amazed that God loves me enough to die for me!!!!
Another thing Francis Chan talked about was a quote from a guy speaking at a funeral, he said, "You never know when God's Goin to take your life. And at that moment there's nothing you can do about it! ARE YOU READY?!" and the guy went back to his seat and turned to his wife and said his chest hurt and fell over and died from a heart-attack!!!! That's such a great example of his statement! And it's something I've always kept in my head, not that story but the idea that at any moment any one of us could die. That's one of the reasons i try not to get mad at people and i work really really hard on not saying mean things to people or if i do slip i go and apologize immediately because i would hate for something cruel to be the last word that ever comes out of my mouth or the last thing people remember of me. I realized that God has given all of us this incredible love and it's our job to spread it to ppl around us who don't have it or don't realize they have it yet! WE MUST LOVE IN EVERYTHING WE DO! And that will be my goal from now on to forever! LOVE!

So....

Hey guys! it's been a while! Gosh a lots been goin on lately. A couple weeks ago, i was somewhat depressed because in order to put God first in my life i had to...ummm...kick a friend out of my heart. I had realized that with this friend so close to my mind at all times i wasn't making time for God, I was concentrating fully on this friend...Let's call this friend Charlie...So i realized that Charlie was getting in the way of my relationship with God and i needed to reprioritize my life. So that's what i've been working on lately. I had to tell Charlie that i needed to prioritize, and i know that hurt him, which was painful to see. However, Charlie, being the great guy that he is said that i was doing the right thing, which i knew, and that if he was getting in the way of God that this is what i needed to do. That was a difficult thing for me to do. Put God first. And it shouldn't have been, I'd just gotten so used to having God in the background...there when i wanted him to be, but otherwise pushed aside until it was convenient. It's a somewhat depressing thing for me to realize, and honestly it's been a month and i'm still working on putting him first. I'm still trying to love God with ALLL my heart not just what's left over. I'm still trying to deal with emotions that i don't want to feel. But in it all i believe i have come closer to God, I have realized that he's not going anywhere, i have figured out that if he is not first in my life, everything else crashes down around me. There's no security, no reliability, no unconditional love, no feeling that i'll never be left alone. It's a hard thing to pick out in yourself. to realize the "little flaws" that you see are actually huge when their pointed out. But it's one of those things we have to do, cuz in my case, no one else would have realized that, no one else can see my heart or know what order my priorities lie in. That's for me to figure out, and i'm glad that i did, because although it hasn't been easy, i have the security and comfort in the fact that GOD will NEVER leave me.

Well, there you go. I'm thinking there were a few people out there that needed to know what was up, so now you know. Pray for me, i still need a lot of help getting back on my feet and in a direction that will keep me safe and secure in God's arms and in my relationship with him :) i love you guys!

Sooo Good!

Hey guys, this is the guitar i'm gonna get! I'm in love with it! lol.

I've been somewhat confused lately. I want to do what God wants me to do, but i'm so worried that i just think i'm doing what he wants me to and in actuality i'm doing the complete opposite. And i REALLY want to be a musician when i grow up...i'd love to hear ppl call me "Singer/songwriter Megan Stevens" but that's not why. I just love music! i feel like God has given me natural talents at singing, guitar, and writing songs. But what if i really am being called towards somehing else and i just don't want to hear it. I'd love my songs to help people... and be something they can relate to and use to help get through issues that i have gone through. My songs ARE from real emotions and real situations i've gone through...if i looked back on them in a few years it'd be like a map of my life of what i've gone through and had to deal with. But i want to help lead people to Christ, i love helping my friends through issues and honestly i have a lot of friends who come to me with there problems i think that i might prefer to be like worship leader of a youth group or a single church or community that way i could bond with the people there and still be there for people to lean on and come to for advice. One of the verses i've found really helpful for myself and friends i've given it out to is John 16:33b "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart for I have overcome the world." It's comforting for me to know that we are all going to have issues and go through hard times but we don't have to worry about that because out father has already conquered the world and will carry us through our hard times another verse that has really helped me lately is Hebrews 13:5 "Because God has said, 'Never will i leave you; Never will i forsake you.'" Soo comforting to know that we're never alone. If every one of our friends and family turned against us, he would still be here holding us close and telling us that everything would be alright. How amazing to be the recipient of that love...THAT is a great feeling. Praise God!

song 3

Kick, punch, break me down
Seems to be everyone’s goal
It’s working more and more each day
How will I survive?

In a world full of people
I feel all alone
No one to turn to, run,
Jump in their arms
I look for a way out
But nothing comes
How will I keep going on?

A target’s painted on my head
And they will shoot
But I keep it going anyway
You’ll help me survive

In a world full of people
I feel all alone
No one to turn to, run,
Jump in their arms
I look for a way out
But nothing comes
How will I keep going on? (x2?)

In this world
We will have trouble and we will get depressed
But we’ll keep on going anyway
For you, my God,
Have overcome it all

In a world full of people
Who feel all alone
We can turn to, run,
Jump in your arms
Looking for a way out
And your face comes
You will keep us going on!