Memphis

Wow! I just got back from Memphis, where we went to a student life conference called Live Love. It was one of the greatest experiences of my entire life! The first night Francis Chan talked about our images of God. About how so many people say what they think God is, but it's just there opinion, Not truth! So he had us look in Revelations and explained what some of the confusing stuff meant. And he gave us this image in our heads of God in his throne in heaven surrounded by 4 magnificent beasts that would cause fear in the very core of our being and they're all giving glory to God! There's angels and other heavenly beings surrounding him as well also giving glory to God. Thunder and lightning are coming out from his throne...and he calls US his sons and daughters! What an amazing thing to KNOW! I have another picture of him that i got in my head the other day...it's one of a fatherly figure bending over me comforting me, loving me. The 2 pictures don't seem to fit together...But the amazing thing is THEY DO! It's the same person in both! It's such a weird thing for me to know that this God who is King of the world and has everything in his hands would step down off his throne...for ME! It doesn't seem like it makes any sense!! It's mind-boggling...but it's true! The worship there was absolutely amazing too! Kristian Stanfill was a GREAT worship leader! There was one song that was particularly touching and it's chorus was "There is none so high and holy, King of Kings the one and only! you are adored! you are the Lord of all!!!!!" and it's sooo true! But it's so hard for us to grasp is just how high and holy he is! Crazy to think about! I'm just so amazed that God loves me enough to die for me!!!!
Another thing Francis Chan talked about was a quote from a guy speaking at a funeral, he said, "You never know when God's Goin to take your life. And at that moment there's nothing you can do about it! ARE YOU READY?!" and the guy went back to his seat and turned to his wife and said his chest hurt and fell over and died from a heart-attack!!!! That's such a great example of his statement! And it's something I've always kept in my head, not that story but the idea that at any moment any one of us could die. That's one of the reasons i try not to get mad at people and i work really really hard on not saying mean things to people or if i do slip i go and apologize immediately because i would hate for something cruel to be the last word that ever comes out of my mouth or the last thing people remember of me. I realized that God has given all of us this incredible love and it's our job to spread it to ppl around us who don't have it or don't realize they have it yet! WE MUST LOVE IN EVERYTHING WE DO! And that will be my goal from now on to forever! LOVE!

So....

Hey guys! it's been a while! Gosh a lots been goin on lately. A couple weeks ago, i was somewhat depressed because in order to put God first in my life i had to...ummm...kick a friend out of my heart. I had realized that with this friend so close to my mind at all times i wasn't making time for God, I was concentrating fully on this friend...Let's call this friend Charlie...So i realized that Charlie was getting in the way of my relationship with God and i needed to reprioritize my life. So that's what i've been working on lately. I had to tell Charlie that i needed to prioritize, and i know that hurt him, which was painful to see. However, Charlie, being the great guy that he is said that i was doing the right thing, which i knew, and that if he was getting in the way of God that this is what i needed to do. That was a difficult thing for me to do. Put God first. And it shouldn't have been, I'd just gotten so used to having God in the background...there when i wanted him to be, but otherwise pushed aside until it was convenient. It's a somewhat depressing thing for me to realize, and honestly it's been a month and i'm still working on putting him first. I'm still trying to love God with ALLL my heart not just what's left over. I'm still trying to deal with emotions that i don't want to feel. But in it all i believe i have come closer to God, I have realized that he's not going anywhere, i have figured out that if he is not first in my life, everything else crashes down around me. There's no security, no reliability, no unconditional love, no feeling that i'll never be left alone. It's a hard thing to pick out in yourself. to realize the "little flaws" that you see are actually huge when their pointed out. But it's one of those things we have to do, cuz in my case, no one else would have realized that, no one else can see my heart or know what order my priorities lie in. That's for me to figure out, and i'm glad that i did, because although it hasn't been easy, i have the security and comfort in the fact that GOD will NEVER leave me.

Well, there you go. I'm thinking there were a few people out there that needed to know what was up, so now you know. Pray for me, i still need a lot of help getting back on my feet and in a direction that will keep me safe and secure in God's arms and in my relationship with him :) i love you guys!