Confidence of a Child

In my experience, if you give just about any kid, under the age of about 10, a compliment, chances are they are gonna respond with an "I know" or something along those lines. As we grow up though, we tend to lose that. You tell a middle or high schooler and though they may say thank you, very few will believe it. What is it that makes us lose that confidence we had in ourselves at that young age? If someone is confident as they get older people often write it off as arrogance. But it's not arrogance. Everyone has the right to believe in themselves and not be looked down on for it. What if we all walked around really truly believing in our God-given abilities and not always doubting our level of competence. When we doubt our skills or our ability to do the things God made us for, we inadvertently doubt God and his decision to grant us that gift. No one intentionally looks down on themselves, but we live in this world that constantly beats us down and makes us feel like we're worth nothing. And that's where people begin to turn to relationships and drugs to find security and assurance that they're worth something. And it's an easy trap to fall into. Everyone gets lonely, everyone has those moments where it seems like there's no hope for them or their circumstance and it's easy to fall into that belief that we'll only be worth something if everyone else thinks so, and it becomes this constant battle to get to the top so that finally we can be worth something. But the whole thing is a lie. The truth is that God made us each to be special and beautiful. Each and every person was made for a reason and has a specific purpose for their life, whether they follow it or not. And our worth does not depend on other's opinions and feelings. "Are not 5 sparrows sold for 2 pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed the very hairs on your head are all numbered. Do not be afraid; You are worth more than many sparrows" (Luke 12:6-7) Our worth is dependent on God alone and He tells us we are worth the death of His son. So let us live like we believe it! We are worth much! We are wonderfully and beautifully made! We are LOVED unconditionally!!! In the coming days, try to live with the confidence of a child, with humility, YES! But confident humility in the knowledge that God made you in his image, and for his purpose, and he loves you enough to send his own son to die for you. You are a magnificent creature!

Prayer for a Friend

(Nashville Mission Trip 2010)

Everyone has that one person they look up to more than anyone in the world, someone they admire and to an extent model their lives after. For me that person is DC Curry. He is seriously the coolest guy i've ever met in my life time and I trust him like I do few others outside my family. When he first started doing youth ministry at GCC I remember looking over at him and his gorgeous wife, Brooke, and watching them during the service. I'll never forget the day he caught me looking, although I doubt he remembers, he just smiled and gave me a little "what's up" head nod. I was so embarrassed to be caught...but i just kept on watching. Since then he's become so much more to me than just someone i'd watch in church. He's become a friend, a trusted confidant, and a much-admired mentor. I still watch him. Not just in the church service though. Whenever he's around I find myself watching and taking notes, because the way he lives his life is just soooooo full of God. DC is an amazing speaker. Being the slow processor I am, it often takes me days to fully grasp whatever topic he may be speaking on at GSM (Granger Student Ministries) that weekend. Even if it's a topic that I've heard others speak on before, DC always brings something new to the table and it always applies to my life directly. The man is truly amazing. I'm so very blessed to have him in my life. It's such a humbling experience to be able to call him a friend. My friend. A lot of who I am today can be attributed to him and things he's spoken on for GSM or just to me when I've come to him with problems. And I know i'm not the only one who feels that way. He can't get from one side of GSM to the other without someone stopping him to talk! The man is loved like you wouldn't believe and he means the world to me and many others.

DC's dad has been in the hospital for the past week or so, and I ask that you pray for healing in him, and strength and comfort for DC and the rest of the family. This is a really difficult time for him, and he's given such strength to so many people, and now it's our time to be the strength for him. LET'S BE PRAYER WARRIORS FOR DC!!!!! :) love you all!

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer" ~Romans 12:12

The Ways of the Potter

I want to start off by saying that CAMP IS ON SUNDAY!!!!!!!!! I'm pretty flippin excited!!!! I'm on the Help Staff this year which means that I get to work alongside 6 other AMAZING people, including 2 of my best friends. We'll be tearing down and setting up and cleaning and all that other fun behind the scenes stuff. Don't take that as sarcasm, i LOVE cleaning and helping out where I can... as long as it's not my room :) so this week is gonna be FANTASTIC!!! i'm pretty pumped, to say the least.

I also wanted to share something i've been wrestling with the past couple days. I read this verse in Galatians the other day:

"But when God, who set me apart from birth and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that i might preach him among the Gentiles, I did not consult any man" ~Galatians 1:15-16

The part that stuck out to me there is in the bold. I got to wondering whether God sets each of us aside at birth or if he just picks and chooses. And as i thought and wrestled with it I could not understand how God could choose someone to be great and leave others to be just average, or even less than average. I brought it up to a good friend of mine, Kelly, and she mentioned a verse in Romans, I don't remember specifically what it was, but it was something about how the potter has every right to make one pot more mighty purposes and another for general use. And it seemed soooo unfair to me. I know "Life isn't fair" and all... But God is. And as I kept going over it in my head I realized that we can't all be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, there needs to be trash cans and water jugs and cups and all that other stuff too. Just because there's only one pot of gold doesn't make it any more special to the potter. Just think about where we'd all be if there weren't any trash cans in this world! it'd be a mess. And I realized that just because not everyone is set aside for fame or whatever the case may be doesn't mean that they're not set aside for a purpose. We all have our "calling" if you will. We all have a reason for being here. God set us on this Earth at this time in this place for a reason. And that reason, no matter what it is, is noble. It's important. And it's ours. God thinks we're precious, pot of gold and trash can alike. He looks at us with love-filled eyes and longs only to hold us in his arms and do what's best for us. He's our Daddy, and he's given us a reason to live. I don't know bout you, but i think that is a delightful think to understand. Thank you Daddy

My Brothers

Meet my brothers. Hunter(with the curly hair) is 13, and in 7th grade. Taylor's 9 and in 3rd grade. These guys are AWESOME!!!! I love my brothers soooo much. Anyone who's known me for longer than a couple days knows that from how much i talk about them. It's one of those things I just can't help. We have so much fun together and if someone were to ask me who i'm the most comfortable around, with out hesitation I would say my brothers. I've always been one to relate more with guys than with girls, and i credit that partly to my brothers. I join in on their immature little jokes and they don't judge me or expect me to be a certain way. It makes me really happy to think about how close we are. We have sooooo many inside jokes (most of them involving Pirates of the Carribean) and we all laugh at the same things that no one else understands. Today I had to write a final in English about acceptance and it hit me how easy it is to take that for granted. It's sooo easy for me to hang out with them and be...just plain stupid, because i know they won't ever stop loving me or judge me or look down on me (and not only because i'm taller!) I think they appreciate it that I hang out at their level rather than assuming I'm too good for them cuz i'm older. But honestly, I think i appreciate it more because (shhh don't tell) it's my level too! :) And with these guys around I can be as immature as I want and not have to worry bout what they think.

But it's not just the goofing off that I enjoy. I love knowing that they look up to me. And even when we're goofing around I know that I can still set an example that they'll follow. It's an awesome responsibility. Dangerous, maybe, but awesome. We all know I'm not percfect, and I love being able to go before them and give them advice and let them learn from my mistakes. I know they will have to learn some things the hard way, but I'm also greatful that through everything they may have to deal with I can be there for them and possibly be the one they lean on for strength to get them through it.

These boys are my favorite boys in the world and although I'd say differently if someone asked, they are my best friends and I love them dearly :)

Like There's No Tomorrow

I never believed my middle school teachers when they said that there would be people in our grade who died before they were out of highschool. Surely not true right? We still have our whole lives ahead of us....Such a typical mindset: We're invincible nothing can hurt us!!....Yeah, that's been proved wrong time and time again. We had our second Freshman death last night. His name was Nathan White, and he sat two rows in front of me in study hall. His family was in Florida for Spring Break and he was driving through an intersection when a semi hit him head-on. This boy will never get married, he'll never have kids, he'll never graduate, or be able to fulfill his dreams. And all the people he left behind are mourning his death. But what really bothered me today, was when people were unaffected by all of that. That someone died, and they didn't care, even if they didn't know him, it could have been any of us. I expressed my annoyance to one of my friends who was acting like that and his excuse? "when you go through so much pain you eventually stop feeling emotions." No you refuse to feel them, was my reply. and the final straw "it's easier to be indifferent than to deal with the pain" Yeah it is. Life sucks. I won't deny it. But you could at least pretend like you care. When you become indifferent you become like the Nazi's and all the people who let those Jews die and did nothing to stop it, nothing to help put an end to the ruining of so many lives. I'd rather feel all the pain in the world than be indifferent to the loss of a life. The goal of living is not just to survive...what's the point of that? the goal of living is to do it to the fullest! To experience miraculous things and enjoy this beautiful world God has put at our disposal and to change lives, help people, love eachother!...Yeah maybe indifference is easier but to live your life indifferent to pain is also living your life indifferent to joy, to love, to sorrow, but also to community. For what good is the sunrise if you don't first go through the dark. What good is the rainbow if you don't first press through the storm? Live life to it's fullest! Love everyone. Give from your heart. Take risks. Sing and dance like no one's around. Cuz in an instant the world could slip out from under you, and suddenly the chance will be gone.

"I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I wanna dance like no one's around
I wanna sing like nobody's listening
Before i lay my body down
I wanna give like I have plenty
I wanna love like I'm not afraid
I wanna be the man I was meant to be
I wanna be the way I was made"

Overwhelming Love

In the past year or so I've felt like God is so far away, like when I'd call he wouldn't hear. But as I think about it more I've realized that I don't feel like that anymore. I don't neccessarily feel like he's super close, (but then I'm not sure I know what that feels like) and I know with all my heart that he hears me when I call.
Recently I've been filled with this overwhelming love for everyone around me, so much so that it's impossible to keep it in! and I think this is God's way of showing me that he is near, by giving me a taste of that unconditional love, and I'm not going to lie, IT FEELS SO GOOD!!!!! The other day on the bus, I wasn't having the greatest days and one of my best friends, I consider him a brother, could tell and the entire ride he worked to improve my day so i wouldn't go home upset. How great a friend is that?! And the entire ride I'm thinking how lucky I am to have friends who care that much and I was filled with this incredible amount of Godly love for this kid, almost too much to hold in! It most definitely overpowered whatever it was that made my day bad (i don't even remember what it was :)). Then last weekend I was serving in the penguin room (which i do twice a month) and again I was hit by how much i love these kids!!! I put it on facebook and i'll say it again I belong more with those kids than with kids my age!!! It's absolutely incredible to me that they can be so un-judgemental (is that a word???) it's refreshing.I love those kids...and I love my God!!! I don't deserve anything he's given me and yet I got it. I don't understand!!!!! haha, good thing i'm not God! :)

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Give thanks to the God of gods, his love endures forever" ~Psalm 136:2

Dreams

I hate feeling incompetent. I was on Heir Force Band this weekend for the first time for guitar and one of my first thoughts when i heard the other guitarist play was, "I'm not good enough for this, why am I here?" Now I had a BLAST this weekend and i'd do it over in a heartbeat, but i realized that as much as i love guitar i've been slacking a lot. If i practiced just an hour a day i'd be sooo much better than i am now! Granted, i still wouldn't be anywhere close to the level the other guitarist was at but i'd be closer than I was and that gives me huge amounts of motivation to practice more often than i do. Which excites me more than you know, when i think about what i could accomplish by putting in just an hour a day it gives me hope that I could actually accomplish my dream of being a star, or at least a small part of it.

Now another thing, lately I've been seriously wondering if I have what it takes? Am i even any good or are people just saying it to make me feel better? I LOVE to sing, but lately i just don't think my voice is good enough. I'm going to keep working at it and making it as good as i can, but i'm under no impression that I'm great. I asked my mom if she thought i had a shot and she gave me a few pointers on how to improve, and I talked to my dad and he said that he thought i could have a future in songwriting. And that would be awesome but it's disappointing to have a dream of being famous and being able to change the world, and then realize that your dream isn't as realistic as you thought. I know there's a slimmer than slim chance that i'd make it big but i'd always had that hope to hang on to no matter what, It was hard for me to realize that (and i'm not dissing this in any way) I won't be able to change the world like i'd hoped, that theres a fairly large possibility that my music won't be of any use to anyone but myself. And i've been praying that God would give me the peace to be content with whatever happens, but i can't help but feel that it's pointless to even hope. I have always been a big dreamer, and music is my passion, if i could save lives through my music I'd be ecstatic. But I've realized lately that God's plans aren't necessarily my plans, and i've heard that my whole life but i've never really taken it to heart until now. I know God will put me where i can make the biggest impact and i trust that whatever path that is he'll give me the strength to accept it and work at it with all my heart. I don't want to confuse anyone, i'm not giving up on my dream, but i'm praying for acceptance i whatever may come along and I ask that you pray for me as well. I want to change the world. But i've got to let God do the planning. and then i've got to follow where he leads me because He sees the big picture.

"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars"

Were the Ancient Romans so different from us?

Back in ancient times the Romans would all gather in the coliseum to watch the gladiators fight to death. it was their football. But these gladiators didn't choose that life, they either were forced into it or did it to provide for their families. Now we hear that and think why would anyone want to see that, and how sick is their culture that that many would gather to see ppl kill eachother? I mean when i first heard about the gladiator fights i wondered in a thousand yrs what will they be disgusted by in our culture? And the more i think about it, the more I get disgusted. We don't gather to see ppl draw blood out of their companions, we do it privately in our own homes. Have you seen the best-selling magazines? They're mostly gossip about major celebrities. 'People' and 'National Enquirer' are the main ones i know about. But looking through them, most of what i see is all the dirt on the celebrities that can possibly be found out. One might argue 'we only read them because the media puts it out there!' but honestly the media wouldn't work so hard to dig it all up if there wasn't such a high demand.
Why do we enjoy hearing about everything they've done wrong? Nobody's perfect. We act like we're surprised when they mess up, but i think secretly we're just glad they've done something worse than us. As though what we've done pales in comparison, and so therefore we shouldn't be punished as badly because we're not as bad as them. That's not the way it works though. In the end we're all going to get judged for what we have and haven't done and i'm not positive but i doubt we'll be compared to everyone else. That's one of the great things about God, he doesn't say 'oh you can't go to heaven because you're not as stainless as billy bob.' No, he forgives us. He says 'all your sins are washed clean when you accept my son, Jesus Christ and what a blessing that is! We're all going to get judged but I would so much rather be standing up there with Jesus at my side, than to have to answer to all of it by myself. No one can measure up by themselves. But we are made new in Christ, and what a beautiful thing that is!!!! What an amazing God we serve who will never leave our side and will not only forgive but also forget everything we've done wrong!!!! No one's perfect, but with Christ...it ceases to matter. He loves us anyway! David Crowder released a new song last year called "How he loves" and in it one line sticks out to me, "If his grace is an ocean we're all sinking" My small group decorated my room and that's one of the quotes they put up on the wall. i look at it every morning when i wake up and every night when i fall asleep, and i thank God for his amazing grace and his unfailing love, for without it i would be lost.