Wonder

It's so easy, so comfortable to live in the box of things we know. We strive for exact and final answers to our questions. We look skeptically upon that which we cannot fully comprehend. 
The unknown is scary. So we run. We think, we wrestle, and we try to work ourselves to the answer. 

One of the most beautiful things about Jesus, to me, is that I cannot ever fully understand. At times it's frustrating, exhausting, even overwhelming. But then I'm reminded that if I could know everything that God knows, if I could understand how and why He does what He does, there would be no reason to depend on Him. I would not need him because I'd already know all things. 

Following Christ is all about the journey. There will never be a time while I'm alive when I will have reached the final destination in my walk with Christ. I will never achieve perfection, or total knowledge. But that's the beauty in it. Every day I can search and grow and learn and become closer to my Jesus. 

We try so hard to box God in. To strap him down and pull out black and white answers to life. We long for the black and white because it's safe. It's right or it's wrong. No gray. Gray is scary. I'm right and you're wrong and that's all there is to it. But what if that's not how it was supposed to be? What if it is gray? What if the black and white mindset is keeping me from loving someone who desperately needs it? What if the black or white or gray doesn't even matter?

I think we miss out on so much of the goodness that God intended for us when we let ourselves go to the black and white. We stop thinking once we have our answer. We stop listening. We stop growing. In my experience the closer I get to Jesus, the less I care about exact answers. The journey is joy because each step takes me closer to Him.

Donald Miller says it this way in his book, Blue Like Jazz: "At the end of the day, when I am lying in bed and I know the chances of any of our theology being exactly right are a million to one, I need to know that God has things figured out, that if my math is wrong we are still going to be okay. And wonder is the feeling we get when we let go of our silly answers, our mapped out rules that we want God to follow. I don't think there is any better worship than wonder."

Take some time today to wonder. Wonder at the things He's done. Wonder at the things He's doing. Wonder at the world around you. Wonder at the little daily blessings.

It's good to be alive. It's good to be loved by Jesus. It's good to have another chance every day to serve and honor and worship Him. Remember that and smile.

Worship

The gospel. 

What a word.

I wonder sometimes what sort of power it carried when first the word was spread about Jesus.

The "Good News". It wasn't a Christian word. Somehow, though, I imagine the kids running down the streets to their friends, "Hey! Did you hear the good news?”

It feels exciting. Good. A little weighty. But also light. It feels like hope.

I grew up wondering what all the gospel meant. When people talked about the gospel, what were they referring to specifically? I'm sure it varies to some extent from person to person- everything does. But this year, for possibly the first time, I'm learning what exactly it means. And more than that, I'm learning how to live it. 

It's amazing to see how God uses the events and the people in my life to teach me more what this means. It blows me away to watch as He puts together the groups of conversations and events and situations that all point me toward the thing that He's trying to get across to me. Lately it's been pride. For the past couple of weeks, I've been struggling with this pride that has told me I have it all together and that I have what it takes. But God has brought to my attention consistently just how untrue this is.

Every time I'm tempted to forget, something else happens that brings me back to a place where I realize just how much I need Him, how dependent I am upon His hands to mold me into the person I want to be- the one He made me to be. As I sit here unsure how to move, He molds my heart through His word and His love and His people.

It struck me the other day how quickly my dreams could be over. At any moment I could develop a disease or break my arm and in that moment I would lose my ability to play bass and guitar, possibly forever. And the level of fear that arises in me when I think about that tells me that yet again I've put my trust and my hope in something other than God. I've come to define myself by the abilities that God has given me while forgetting that it was God who gave them to me.

"The heavens proclaim the glory of God.

The Skies proclaim his craftsmanship.

Day after day they continue to speak;

night after night they make him known.

They speak without a sound or word;

their voice is never heard.

Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,

and their words to all the world" - Psalm 19:1-4

It's so humbling to think how every piece of God's creation screams his praise. Without so much as a word the trees point to his majesty and the sunset to His beauty and and the stars to His immensity. And yet I, who was made in His image; I, who He died for; I,who was loved by Him even when I was weak (always) and fell down (more often than I care to admit); I try to achieve His glory for myself. How does that make sense?

What an awesome privilege it is to be able to point people to Christ, to inspire people to follow Him. What a great joy it is to use the gifts He has given me to help others worship Him who has given us more than we could ask or imagine. There should be no fear in me over losing those gifts, but instead gratitude and humility that He has allowed me to use those gifts and given me the opportunity to use them in a way that is honoring to Him.

Every moment that I have I want to worship. In my music, in my school work, in my friendships, in my quiet time I want every thought, every action to honor God. I want to live a life of worship. I want to praise him in every moment, the good and the bad. I want to live a life whole-heartedly devoted to Him so that when I die it is not my name they remember, but God's. 

I'm not there yet. I don't know if I ever will be. But there will be no more half-hearted devotion, no more take-it-or-leave-it faith. I'm handing over every dark and cobweb-filled crevice of my heart to be lit and cleaned and refined in the fire. I cannot lead others in worship through music when my life is not living worship. From this moment on I'm all in. 

Life is Hard

I wonder if the American dream hasn't been distorted more than a little bit. Once it was that if you work hard enough you can achieve wealth and a family and live in that white house with the picket fence. But now we think we deserve everything that comes our way. The good stuff anyway. The bad is all someone else's fault. I can't help but wonder though if that dream, that mindset hasn't messed us up a little too. I've just finished up my first semester of college and let me tell you, it was hard. Hard but good. And at first I couldn't reconcile that in my mind. If this is where I'm supposed to be, why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to be away from my friends and family? Why are those friendships changing? Why do I have to make new ones? Why don't these professors understand? But then it hit me. Something inside me has been running from "hard" my whole life. So many of my decisions were based on what was or wasn't difficult. I stayed with my group of friends because it was hard to make new ones, and it's hard to be vulnerable. I volunteered at youth group because it was the natural thing, it was what everyone did. I gave up every time I started working out. I gave up on guitar. And sure none of that was bad. I never had sex. I never did drugs. But I never worked at anything that didn't come naturally to me either.

College is not natural to me. Everything about it has taken effort on my part and I thought about giving up on more than one occasion. But maybe it's taken all this for Jesus to get through to me what He's been trying to tell me the whole time: I need Him. Such a simple lesson. One I've heard and said a million times. But I'm learning it all over again. This relationship we have is so much more difficult than I ever believed. Not because He's not here (He is), not because He doesn't care, but because He does care. And that is incredibly hard to believe and accept and because I don't know how to really listen. How do you ask God to teach you to listen to Him when you can't hear a response? When you strain your ears but all you hear is silence, and maybe some birds chirping. Maybe that is when you give up. Maybe that is when He steps in and says "It's okay. I'm here. And I'll give you as long as it takes" And maybe that's when you realize that what you ought to be listening to is your heart.

When I look back at Jesus' ministry, that's when I know I shouldn't be striving for an easy life. Nothing about Jesus' life was easy. He loved and learned and grew from the beginning and who knows how much of that came easily to Him. Probably not all of it. And then He went into ministry and loved people who would never love Him back. He forgave people who hurt Him time and again. He walked for miles and taught and healed until He was exhausted. And then He did it some more. And then as if all of that wasn't enough, He let them nail him to a cross. He hung there for hours. He breathed His last, in agony, brokenhearted and surrounded by a crowd of mockers. Then, when it looked like all hope was gone, three days gone, He. Came. Back. If that ain't love I don't know what is.

He's willing and able to do that in me. He can raise the dead inside of me. He can help me love the hard to love, and forgive the ones who've hurt me. He can help me do the hard things. And that is more beautiful than words can express. Maybe it even makes the challenges a little more colorful, a little more exciting. I know that whatever comes, no matter the difficulty, He can work through me and do immeasurably more than I ever could have imagined. He makes it all worth it. Hard is good because He is with me. And with you. Don't forget that.

People Leave

Can I just start by saying God is awesome?! Seriously! Not only did He send His son to die for the sins I've commited but, knowing everything that I've ever thought/done, He loves me anyway! What?! AND He wants a relationship with me? How great is that?! He's got to be the absolute coolest guy to ever exist. Shoot. I can't wait until we meet face to face.

It's been a LONG time since I've blogged. You may have forgotten that I have a blog, I did for a little while there. But I'm back and I have some awesome God-moments to share with you, so buckle in! We're about to take off!

We all have rough patches in our lives and many I've talked to have come to the same realization in their lives that I did over the course of the past year or so: People leave. And it hurts really bad when they do. The people that have in one way or another walked out of my life have all been people that were and still are very near and dear to my heart. As such, I came to conclude that when I open up to people, when I let them see me, they will leave.

Don't freak out. This story isn't done yet.

The logic in my head then followed that as God created men in His image, God must also leave when I let Him see all of me, right? So when there have been people in my life who have been willing to listen, I've unloaded my baggage on them, instead of first going to God. Because, while I can live through more people leaving my life, I can not continue to stand if my very foundation walks out from under me.

In this attempt, however, not to lose that which was/is my everything, I shut down the lines of communication between us. I neither spoke, nor listened. I tried to do everything on my own and I failed time and again. I finally came to realize, just this past weekend that my fear of losing people and God was getting me nowhere except a more lonely place of being than that which I was originally trying to avoid. In my attempt not to lose God, I pushed Him away. That which I wanted most to hold onto, I lost by clinging harder to my fear than to Him.

But God can not be boxed in by our human limitations and when I finally stopped to let Him, He opened my eyes to knowledge and beauty which I never could have seen on my own. Although it hurts to lose loved ones, I've learned that it is far worse to push away Him who is Life itself. It is like a flower who, for fear of rejection refused to uncurl it's petals until night when no one could see it. But a flower can not live on moonlight and so though it was safer from this rejection it so feared, it was also slowly starving itself of Life. And really, who wants that? I certainly don't.

Cling to this today, friends, God won't leave!!! He loves you more than you could ever imagine and He wants what is best for You! He wants you to talk to Him, and to talk to You. He will not be scared off by your anger or your deepest secrets (He already knows them!) or your questions, or your honesty. He made you beautifully and in His image! You are His masterpiece and He has great plans for your life, if you will simply take a step back and let Him lead you!! Scary as it may be, I bet you'll find they're better than any you may have had for yourself. And He promises to love you NO MATTER WHAT!!! You couldn't ask for a better friend. Take advantage of that!!

I say it again, God is sooooo freaking cool!!!
He loves you! I love you!
God Bless!!!

Megan

Here and Now

I recently wrote a song that I am really passionate about. The lyrics can be seen here. As I was thinking back on my explanation of it's background to a friend I realized there was so much more I wished I could have added. The song came out of an irritation. Everywhere I looked I saw people running from place to place, never slowing down to breathe. 'Beauty' explores the idea that we keep ourselves busy as an escape from the pain. There are so many escapes that people condemn, the use of drugs, for example. But the one I believe most commonly overlooked is the one most of us use. It's easy to forget what we're running from when we never stop to think. However, we also miss so much that God has put there for us to enjoy. We miss opportunities to spend time with loved ones, we miss the way the birds chirp in the morning, or how the clouds spell out "I ♥ U". In the midst of cussing (in our heads) at the other drivers we miss what God is trying to tell us through a song on the radio. We miss the ways we can help out a friend having a rough day, or a stranger who just needs to know there are still people who care. It's incredible how much we miss when we get wrapped up in ourselves. I know. I've done it. I do it. It's why I'm so passionate about it.

God has given us a beautiful world to live in. He gives us a new backdrop in the sunrise/sunset everyday! He brings up new flowers every spring, and fresh snow in the winter. He colors the leaves in the fall and heats up the beaches/water for us in the summer. But we miss it! We forget to look because we're running through life. They say "Live life to it's fullest" but full does not mean fast. To live a full life we must learn to be content with who we are. We have to face up to our past and see how it has made us who we are. We have to look into our future with bright eyes, trusting that God will lead us where He wants us to go. We must live in the here and now: not in the past, though we see how it changed us, not in the future, though we look forward to the places we may go. But in the here. In the now. Because only when we live in today can we see the beauty that is all around us. Only in today can we appreciate the little things and allow them to shape us into who we ought to be.

I challenge you, tomorrow, instead of seeing only the things that go wrong, be intentional about looking for the little pieces of joy. It might just make your day. God bless!

Next

It's around your junior year in High School that people begin to ask the dreaded question: "Do you know what college you're going to?" The answer for me is no. But that is not the point of this blog. This time is so stressful for majority of teenagers because it feels like our whole life is resting on this decision and if, like me, they don't know what they want to do post-college, it can be even more stressful. I tend to cope with that particular issue by ignoring it. However i've realized that I've been assuming that more is riding on this decision than there actually is. You see, my natural response to the college question is that I don't know what I want to do with my life. But as I was praying the other day, it became clear to me that it's not my whole life I need to figure out. God has a plan for me, and likely it is not my plan for me. So if I attempt to plan out my whole life (which I would never do...I hate planning) but if I did, it would likely change as God calls me elsewhere and then all that planning would go to waste. So in this decision coming up here, I don't need to figure out my life, I only need to figure out what to do NEXT. Only God knows where my life may lead, and only He sees how it all turns out. All I have to do, is trust that He will lead me in that direction. Granted, that's easier said than done. But God is God, and God is good. And no matter where He directs my life, He will be with me. And with that in mind, I find it really difficult to stress about anything. Why would I? God is in control and He "works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Rom. 8:28) Rest in that knowledge today. God Bless!

Too Short

Some of you may know I was in a car accident recently (not to worry, no one was hurt) but i'm not writing this for your sympathy. I'm writing out of this place to inspire you. If there's one thing that my accident brought to my attention it is the fragility of life. It's like the angels in heaven are walking around caring glass vases, if they drop the life is lost, like the vase. I think my angel tripped. Caught me just in time. I don't think that's actually what happens...that'd all seem rather pointless. However you get what i mean about the fragility. Life is fragile. It can be lost at any moment. You never know when you or someone you love will be taken, so why hold back? Why keep the truth inside? We so easily retreat to this place of security where we pull our armor around us and only let in the people we trust the very most. I have always been terrified that the people i love will exit my life before I get to tell them how much I love them, and my goal is always to be honest even when it's scary. I don't always succeed because, let's be honest, sometimes it's just easier to hold it in. But the goal remains. If I respect someone, I tell them. If i'm grateful for someone's hand in my life, i send them a text or write a letter. Life is too short to hold back. So use what you've been given to help those around you, because you never know how it will affect them or how long you have left with them. If you died tomorrow, what would you regret not saying? What love would you wish you had shared? What relationship would you wish you'd repaired? Don't blow this off. Really think about it. And then go DO IT! Life is fragile. Life is short. Don't hold it in. Let go of the fear of rejection, and open yourself up to the love that comes from loving others well.