"I'm on my knees
begging you to notice me
I'm on my knees
father will you turn to me
one tear in a drop of rain
one voice in a sea of pain
can the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking heart
one life is all i am
right now i can barely stand
if you're everything you say you are
will you come close and hold my heart"
~ Hold my heart by Tenth Avenue North (if you haven't heard it you should go listen to it before you finish reading this)
I don't usually write about a song I've heard, but I was in my room cleaning up and listening to my radio when this song came on. At the very begining of the song I'd paused what I was doing and listened to the lyrics which is what I usually do when I hear a song I haven't heard before or don't know very well. A few lines into the song I went and sat down on my bed next to my radio and just listened to the plea coming from the song. I think last year I probably wouldn't have been touched by the song nearly as much, but now after the stuff I went through last year I almost started crying. How often do we go through such great amounts of pain and blame God instead of crying out for help? How often do I feel that God has better things to do than sit and listen to me cry out to him? I think at some point during our lives and often more than once, we all feel small and insignificant! The idea that God listens to our cries for help is mind-boggling! Let alone the fact that He died on the cross to save each and every one of us! i'm honestly blown out of my mind to think that a God SO HUGE would ever care enough about me personally to want to pull me in when i'm hurting and comfort me. And I think that's what makes this song so easily relatable. It's that cry for help, for comfort, even for the feeling of nearness to know we're not alone. Begging God not to forget us. This song is SOOOOO full of emotion my heart instantly hurt in remembrance of when i was crying out the same thing and i still do sometimes. It's also a comfort to know that other people go through the same thing, that it's not just our problem.
There're two lines that really stick out to me. the first is "Can the maker of the stars hear the sound of my breaking heart" That's such a moving line because I think deep inside we all know He can. And that is what keeps me going a lot of the time. The knowledge that God hears our pain is so comforting, but more than that is that He cares. He knows what we're going through and He's there through it all. It's such a comfort to me knowing that He's here for me, for all of us and when there's nothing left we can do, He gives us strength to keep going. The second line that stood out to me was "if you're everything you say you are would you come close and hold my heart" that's sucha great question. i've never thought to ask God to hold my heart. But what a great thing to ask knowing that He will keep it safe, make it new, and nurture it back to it's innocent state of...wholeness.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I think that all too often we block out God when we're hurting. We blame Him, get angry, and think that if He really cared, we wouldn't be going through whatever it is we're going through. But what we should really be doing is, like in the song, crying out to God, begging Him to comfort us, basking in the knowledge that He is hearing our cries. He knows what we're going through and he's hurting for us, too. But if/when we finally stop fighting Him for control, that is when the healing can happen. That's when we can finally realize that we have an all-powerful God who wants nothing more than the best for us. And although sometimes it doesn't seem like it, everything happens for a reason. We'll get through it if we lean on Him. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. But that's THROUGH CHRIST. So often we want to do things our way. We get stubborn and refuse to back down, but God's way is the best way, no matter what we may think about it. And the best thing we can do is give up control and let Christ do what He does bese