Can I just start by saying God is awesome?! Seriously! Not only did He send His son to die for the sins I've commited but, knowing everything that I've ever thought/done, He loves me anyway! What?! AND He wants a relationship with me? How great is that?! He's got to be the absolute coolest guy to ever exist. Shoot. I can't wait until we meet face to face.
It's been a LONG time since I've blogged. You may have forgotten that I have a blog, I did for a little while there. But I'm back and I have some awesome God-moments to share with you, so buckle in! We're about to take off!
We all have rough patches in our lives and many I've talked to have come to the same realization in their lives that I did over the course of the past year or so: People leave. And it hurts really bad when they do. The people that have in one way or another walked out of my life have all been people that were and still are very near and dear to my heart. As such, I came to conclude that when I open up to people, when I let them see me, they will leave.
Don't freak out. This story isn't done yet.
The logic in my head then followed that as God created men in His image, God must also leave when I let Him see all of me, right? So when there have been people in my life who have been willing to listen, I've unloaded my baggage on them, instead of first going to God. Because, while I can live through more people leaving my life, I can not continue to stand if my very foundation walks out from under me.
In this attempt, however, not to lose that which was/is my everything, I shut down the lines of communication between us. I neither spoke, nor listened. I tried to do everything on my own and I failed time and again. I finally came to realize, just this past weekend that my fear of losing people and God was getting me nowhere except a more lonely place of being than that which I was originally trying to avoid. In my attempt not to lose God, I pushed Him away. That which I wanted most to hold onto, I lost by clinging harder to my fear than to Him.
But God can not be boxed in by our human limitations and when I finally stopped to let Him, He opened my eyes to knowledge and beauty which I never could have seen on my own. Although it hurts to lose loved ones, I've learned that it is far worse to push away Him who is Life itself. It is like a flower who, for fear of rejection refused to uncurl it's petals until night when no one could see it. But a flower can not live on moonlight and so though it was safer from this rejection it so feared, it was also slowly starving itself of Life. And really, who wants that? I certainly don't.
Cling to this today, friends, God won't leave!!! He loves you more than you could ever imagine and He wants what is best for You! He wants you to talk to Him, and to talk to You. He will not be scared off by your anger or your deepest secrets (He already knows them!) or your questions, or your honesty. He made you beautifully and in His image! You are His masterpiece and He has great plans for your life, if you will simply take a step back and let Him lead you!! Scary as it may be, I bet you'll find they're better than any you may have had for yourself. And He promises to love you NO MATTER WHAT!!! You couldn't ask for a better friend. Take advantage of that!!
I say it again, God is sooooo freaking cool!!!
He loves you! I love you!