Wow! it's been a while!...i think i start all my blogs like that! LOL! sorry i haven't been very constant with my blogging! it's been super busy!
So anyways...I don't really know what's been going on with me lately. I've had soo many questions about things, i filled 5 pages in my journal of questions the other day! i don't even know what half of them were anymore i just know it took a long time to write down everything! i feel like i'm drifting from God but not intentionally (i'm getting this out there because i want you guys to let me know if you notice me acting differently!) I feel like i'm getting pulled into the whirl pool of junk in the world without actually doing anything wrong...at least i don't think im doing anything wrong. My heart longs to be so close to God, to do everything he wants me to, and to always be faithful. I know that's not possible because I'm human and everyone makes mistakes, it just is so hard when i see adults going around seeming like they never make mistakes and if they do they don't come out and say it, they just keep it to themselves or pretend it didn't happen (i'm not talking about anyone specific just in general, adults seem to be perfect and never make mistakes) I guess when i look to my role models, i wonder how they manage to go through a day that would put me in a bad mood and still be there for others and try to make their day better. I guess now i'm talking about DC. The other week he let us know he was having a bad day, but he still manages to be there for anyone who needs it and still tries to help them. I can see Jesus so clearly when i look at him and it amazes me! i long for that to be what others see when they look at me but i don't know if that's the impression given off or if i just look like a goody-two-shoes who is nice to the people that everyone else despises. I wish that i could see what others see in me. But all i can do is keep living everday for God and praying that others will see God through me. i'm so thankful that God has put such amazing people in my life because i don't even want to think where i'd be without the gentle nudge from my friends and family when im straying or the weekly talks with DC after Oasis (sorry, GSM) God is soooo good! I long to honor him but i so often feel as though i'm just taking away from the honor he deserves.
I want to get this out in case it can help someone else out there. I realized the other day that when i think of God i think of GOD who created the universe and does all these incredible miracles and cares about me but there's always someone ahead of me in line. I know that's not true. He is my FATHER! He loves me more than i could ever imagine and nothing i could do would make Him love me any less or any more! All that He does or doesn't do is for my benefit in the long run! He sees the whole picture and He will do what he knows is best for me! And He will never leave no matter how distant i may feel. It is not Him going away, but me! He is the father with His loving arms outstretched for His prodigal...daughter to run back into! And that is what i will do time and time again! I will run into His outstretched hands and cling tight to the one who will never leave me. I pray that is what we will all do...And we will live every second to it's greatest potential with no regrets!