Monday, February 22, 2010

Dreams

I hate feeling incompetent. I was on Heir Force Band this weekend for the first time for guitar and one of my first thoughts when i heard the other guitarist play was, "I'm not good enough for this, why am I here?" Now I had a BLAST this weekend and i'd do it over in a heartbeat, but i realized that as much as i love guitar i've been slacking a lot. If i practiced just an hour a day i'd be sooo much better than i am now! Granted, i still wouldn't be anywhere close to the level the other guitarist was at but i'd be closer than I was and that gives me huge amounts of motivation to practice more often than i do. Which excites me more than you know, when i think about what i could accomplish by putting in just an hour a day it gives me hope that I could actually accomplish my dream of being a star, or at least a small part of it.

Now another thing, lately I've been seriously wondering if I have what it takes? Am i even any good or are people just saying it to make me feel better? I LOVE to sing, but lately i just don't think my voice is good enough. I'm going to keep working at it and making it as good as i can, but i'm under no impression that I'm great. I asked my mom if she thought i had a shot and she gave me a few pointers on how to improve, and I talked to my dad and he said that he thought i could have a future in songwriting. And that would be awesome but it's disappointing to have a dream of being famous and being able to change the world, and then realize that your dream isn't as realistic as you thought. I know there's a slimmer than slim chance that i'd make it big but i'd always had that hope to hang on to no matter what, It was hard for me to realize that (and i'm not dissing this in any way) I won't be able to change the world like i'd hoped, that theres a fairly large possibility that my music won't be of any use to anyone but myself. And i've been praying that God would give me the peace to be content with whatever happens, but i can't help but feel that it's pointless to even hope. I have always been a big dreamer, and music is my passion, if i could save lives through my music I'd be ecstatic. But I've realized lately that God's plans aren't necessarily my plans, and i've heard that my whole life but i've never really taken it to heart until now. I know God will put me where i can make the biggest impact and i trust that whatever path that is he'll give me the strength to accept it and work at it with all my heart. I don't want to confuse anyone, i'm not giving up on my dream, but i'm praying for acceptance i whatever may come along and I ask that you pray for me as well. I want to change the world. But i've got to let God do the planning. and then i've got to follow where he leads me because He sees the big picture.

"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars"

5 comments:

TAS said...

Here is what I know...you are amazing! Your music touches my heart and makes me smile. I have no way of knowing if you'll be famous someday--but I do know your music will continue to make a difference in people's lives.

Oh, and your closing quote reminded me of something one of my teachers used to say to me: "Shoot for the stars, and if you only hit a streetlight, at least you'll be higher than you were."

:)

faith said...

Don't ever stop dreamin'! I believe those "passions" are placed there by God and He is going to use your music to change people's lives. Your job is to keep writing what is in your heart, keep playing, keep singing...you are inspiring to me!!

Megan Stevens said...

hahah dad that's great!!!! :) lol i'm putting that on facebook :)

Ashley Tucker said...

YOU WILL BE A STAR!!!♥

Anonymous said...

So I might be a little late in reading some of your posts, but it is all good right? I can't tell you how often I have felt what you were talking about. I dream of officiating college basketball someday, but then I go to a basketball camp and see how many hundreds and hundreds of other people have the same dream and seem more equipped to do it better and it can be discouraging. I have made the decision to work my tail off and leave the rest up to God. It makes the journal a whole lot more enjoyable : ) You are awesome!!!

Hampy